Praise You Like I Should...

My personal practice is something that I have come to cherish. It has taken some work to get here though. I used to believe that you have to do everything like a "yogi" should, practice at 5 am, listen to music sung in sanskrit, eat only vegetables...these standards were intimidating and made me feel like if I didn't do it the right way I wasn't a real yogi. I have come to a new perspective about yoga, a broader one. On this journey, I am realizing that it is better for me to do things how they come instinctively to me. My feelings and intuition can be used as a compass that guides me towards what will fulfill me and keep me balanced. I am still moving towards integrating a more yogic lifestyle, but have relaxed my timeline. Instead of expecting this huge lifestyle change overnight, instead of pushing for what I think I should be or do, I have decided to proceed by first doing what naturally occurs to me and listening to my own inner wisdom. Trying to tune in to my own spirit and intuition while being mindful of each moment as it unfolds... This is yoga. This union of the body, mind, spirit and breath. It can happen anywhere...singing at the top of your lungs speeding down the highway with the wind in your hair, sipping that first cup of coffee in your quiet kitchen when the sky is still purple and day is breaking, when your child smiles at you and your whole being smiles back, in each moment is an opportunity to tap in and be totally present.

"We've come a long long way together

 Through the hard times and the good.

 I have to celebrate you baby,

 I have to praise you like I should."

Today I am reminded that this is the goal of yoga, on and off your mat....follow your instincts, tap in, turn on, make yourself feel better, this instant! Get comfy, the best you can do in each situation. Let yourself shine, give yourself a fighting chance by being so kind and loving to yourself and making it easy for yourself to feel a sense of well being.....so this is my weekend of letting myself and my life flow and feeling good.

I followed my instincts and......I saw a bad horror movie at the theater and indulged...drank a huge cherry coke and ate buttered popcorn. Jumped 12 feet in the air screaming like a little girl at that spot in the movie when you are supposed to jump and Tim laughed so so hard I thought we might get kicked out. I taught a beautiful outdoor practice Saturday morning and let it all flow from me naturally, no notes in my composition book as usual. I left completely inspired by a lovely group of extraordinary yogis and by what can happen spontaneously when you just relax. Walked the few blocks to downtown Edwardsville and we had a lovely brunch at Cleveland Heath, of french toast with cream and cherry jam and a bloody mary ( I rarely drink so this was a fun instinct to follow). The combination of sweet and decadent, spicy and sour (and vodka and sugar) put me in a mellow, happy state. A slow stroll home and naptime called. Tried to get to my mat, but it felt better to do less and pamper my sore shoulder. Today I have had a peaceful morning of coffee and breakfast, and spending great downtime with my man and my dog...and I returned to the mat. It felt so good.

My dog, Bear E. White with favorite duck toy

For my personal practice following my instincts entirely has been the key to making it possible to stick with it. Listening to music is one thing that can make your home practice more fun and attractive to you. I'm not always inspired by Krisna Das chanting cds or instrumental harp music...which I have and listen to and love very much....but sometimes more contemporary tunes really lift me up. The music that inspires me is different everyday! So this morning instead of throwing on my standard Steve Gold cd (almost worn through--it's so good), I made an impromptu playlist quickly scrolling through my library and selecting anything that called to me. I got a truly fantastic mix that suited my mood perfectly. I found myself doing core work to Jackson Five, balancing to Beck, flowing to Gorillaz and backbending to the Black Keys. This practice was so deep and inspired for me--soulful and energetic, it was the best home practice I have had in a long long time and exactly what I needed in this moment. I loved the mash up of the beat and my breath, the music kept me moving and the sweat pouring off of me. By the end of the playlist, I was totally spent and lay on my mat in savasana, no sound remained except the soft blowing of the ceiling fan and my own breath. There is so much freedom in that moment, everything poured out on your mat, feeling your breath, being mindful and present.  That freedom is the most beautiful thing about your own home practice.

My Personal Practice Playlist for Memorial Day 2012 :

Jackson Five "I Don't Know Why I Love You" "I Want You Back" "Dancing Machine"
Fatboy Slim  "Praise You"
Gorillaz "All Alone" "All Alone" "Dirty Harry" "Last Living Souls"
Beastie Boys "Flute Loop" "Sabrosa" "Bodhisattva Vow" "Get It Together"
Busta Rhymes "Rastaman Chant"
Gnarls Barkley "Crazy"
Beck "Missing" "Black Tamborine" "Earthquake Weather"
Black Keys "Act Nice and Gentle" "Everlasting Light" "Tighten Up" "Have Love Will Travel" "Countdown"
Jamiroquai  "Canned Heat 7th Edit" "Feels So Good" "Virtual Insanity" "You Give Me Something"

Never Not Broken

I am a sucker for Indian mythology. All of those tales of gods and goddesses are just irresistible to a literature buff and B.A. in English, like myself. The colorful characters and parables that describe them simply delight me and transport me to another world. The symbolism that shrouds these figures provides so much fodder for my story-writing mind. I have to say...this motley crew of elephant-headed, multi-limbed, super-powered deities could certainly entertain me for hours....

Meet Akhilandeshvari, the goddess of never not broken.

I love the tales of Shiva and Ganesha and have read some of the more obvious and commonplace stories of Indian mythology. However, this more obscure goddess, Akhilandeshvari takes the cake in my book! She comes to mind tonight because of the total emotional release that I apparently needed to have this afternoon. It took hold and I found myself in a heap on the floor crying my eyes out. As I dragged myself up and out the door to teach a class (thank goodness my students help me laugh and keep things in perspective) I couldn't shake this feeling of broken-ness.

Akhilandeshvari feels my pain. She teaches us that there is absolutely no other position more powerful. Her name tells her tale: "Ishvari" means powerful goddess and "Akhilanda" means never not broken. Clever use of wordplay in that even her Sanskrit name is broken (using double negative). So her power is in being broken and always having this total freedom to put herself back together in any which way she wants, never being limited and confined by being a whole, always existing in multiple selves. Lying in a broken heap you gain the ability to change your future self and release yourself from the past. Did I mention that she rides around on a crocodile? Yeah...she's a total badass!

Read more about Akhilanda in this excellent article by Julie JC Peters: "Why Lying Broken in a Pile on Your Bedroom Floor is a Good Idea"

"The most important thing is this: To be ready at any moment to give up who you are, for who you might become."  -W.E.B. Dubois

5 Minutes of Fame...or 5 Minutes of Lame?

Tim Ezell from Fox 2 news was at our hot yoga studio today filming a segment for his fun man-about-town spot on the morning program. We had very little information about what was going to happen once the camera crew got to the studio. We knew that they were concerned about the intense heat and humidity effecting the equipment. I was subbing for another teacher by chance this morning and it was my responsibility to cool the studio down before and during my 9:30 class so that the cameras wouldn't melt during the 11:00 filming. Needless to say, my hot yoga students were not very hot at all today. One student even caught my eye at one point and he gave me a little "brrrrr...I'm freezing over here in this nice 70 degree breezy room" look and a small shiver. Still, I did spy a few students who still managed to work up a sweat.

Not so hot yoga

With all of the doors and windows wide open, the studio was full of distractions....cars pulling in and out of Wal-mart parking lot, staff moving about in the office outside the yoga room, and yes even that delicious breeze was a distraction. I had a difficult time staying focused on the sequence, which is very rare. I wondered if my students were having just as hard a time concentrating on their practice. I tried to remind them that this is a great lesson in yoga. I told them that we have to learn to let go of all distractions and focus the mind and to remember that this is how all classes in India are--noisy and distracting. This is the practice...the art of ignoring!

The crew arrived and we set up for a shortened version of our normal 90 minute hot yoga sequence, with the owner leading the group. Our talent, Tim, is a goofy personality that demonstrates activities in a lighthearted manner, bringing a fantastic sense of humor to everything that he does. I noticed that he was much more good looking in person and much less nerdy and wasn't too bad at yoga. 

Tim Ezell trying out another activity with a fun attitude.

I ended up right next to him and wound up being Bridget's demonstrator for most of the filming. This added a little pressure, not gonna lie. I thought, "Wow! I think if you want someone to work really hard at something just film them and threaten to air it on tv and they will work twice as hard as normal!" I did fall out of standing bow pose at least once and reminded myself to let go of my ego, but the rest went fairly well. It will be very interesting to see how the half hour of footage gets assembled for the 2 or 3 minute spot. I hope that it turns out well and the film of me falling doesn't make the cut....then again maybe another good lesson in yoga....accept your practice wherever you are!!

Just, please, if you happen to see it when it airs on tv, be gentle.....

Blessed Up and Blissed Out!!

First classes are always interesting!

Yesterday, I taught my first outdoor yoga class in Granite City and it didn't disappoint! I was a bit concerned that maybe nobody would show up. Of course, I was wrong and had a lovely group of yogis that came to share their energy with me. Sure, there were groups of giggling graduates taking photos behind us by the fountain in the park and there were a few emergency vehicles that flew by with sirens a-blazing. But overall, the group was focused and kind, the sun was shining and the breeze was warm. Truly, it couldn't have been a more inspiring day and practice! Favorite moment: students lying in savasana, birds singing.

After the outdoor class finished up, I took flight myself and soared along 270 to Edwardsville to teach my first ever private class at Hot Yoga. I couldn't ask for a better second, first class of the day! The two clients, who happen to be a few of my favorite students, booked this class for their friends and family to come and try out this "crazy workout" that they had been doing. I assumed that the newcomers were just nervous about attending a class with others who might be judgmental or more physically fit, etc. I was wrong...they were quite athletic and it was actually because they are all total cut-ups and had a very difficult time keeping it serious. What a fun class to get to teach! My favorite moment was when the whole class squatted down to get ready for standing forward fold and every knee in the building cracked or popped at the same moment! Got a great laugh! 

(sounds overheard in yoga class)

I had an hour or so and ran home to take my second shower of the day. Then it was back to Hot Yoga for a vinyasa workshop with my teacher Emmet Schmelig. I was almost spent when I arrived back at the studio and the 2 hour practice of flow yoga polished me off nicely. It was an incredible practice. I was interested in  being able to measure my own strength in comparison to where I was the first time I practiced with Emmet last September. I could barely do one chaturanga then. Now I am able to do everything in the practice and still keep my breathing steady and long. I even was able to bind in extended side angle and trikonasana, which I hadn't tried before. Favorite moment: my own savasana, listening to Emmet tell us that "you are perfect just the way you are."

my dear friend and teacher Emmet Schmelig

Finished the evening with a third shower, a large Dewey's pizza and an early bedtime.

Although every single tiny muscle in my entire body is sore today, there is a total contentment and calmness that is with me still. Yoga hangover...totally blissed-out!! I wouldn't have traded yesterday for anything! There is no question in my mind that it was a gift and a blessing. Namaste.

YOGA: A Photo Essay

Yoga: to yoke, union of mind body and spirit

Chakrasana (Wheel)

Revolved Downward Facing Dog?

Adho Mukha Vrksasana (Handstand)

Padmasana (Lotus)

Sirsasana (Headstand)

Usthasana (Camel)

Utthitaparsvakonasana (Extended Side Angle)

Vasisthasana (Side Plank)

Virabhadrasana III (Warrior 3)

Vrksasana (Tree)

My daughter, Ally, the photographer.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu

May all beings everywhere be happy and free. 

And may the thoughts, words and actions in my own life

contribute in some way to that happiness and freedom for all.

2 Legit 2 Quit...

It's official...I mean really officially official...I am a registered yoga alliance trained instructor. You can look me up in the Yoga Alliance directory. I am on my way, officially! Playing by the rules and becoming a LEGIT yoga instructor has definitely been a lot of work, but so worth it. The training I have received is priceless, the most valuable thing I own I believe. I am working toward my E-RYT by logging in hours of teaching...once I get up to 2000 hours, I get to put that little E in front of my RYT. I think I have close to 60 now (they only count AFTER you complete the 200 hr training program).

All of this comes at a price, though, and makes me understand why there are many instructors who don't even bother with all of this stuff. Don't let all of us yoga teachers fool you....this business is expensive! You have to pay for your training, books, yoga clothes, mats, props, coconut waters to revive you, business cards, insurance, more yoga clothes, workshops, music and pedicures! Yikes! And don't forget to save every receipt you get now that you have to write it all off at the end of the year. The reason that all of this red tape is worth wading through is because I believe that its really important for there to be some kind of standard among teachers. Some type of measuring yardstick that helps studios and students find an appropriate and well-trained instructor. I can't help but sing, "Too LEGIT, too legit to quit!

Added bonus: Your James Brown fix for the day! 

Nothing is missing.

I have a daily readings book that I read every morning. Today's passage was simple, "Nothing is missing." This little sentence says it all. Most of our lives are spent wishing we had _____ . It's time to realize that our souls are totally complete, our lives are exactly how they need to be and we are precisely where we should be regardless of where we think we are supposed to be. 

This simple acceptance that "nothing is missing" in our souls, in our lives in our hearts....is the real key to finding contentment and happiness. This will be my mantra for the next few days: "Nothing is missing, everything is right." This life is a gift, each breath, each moment is so beautiful and important.

Breath deep, eat good food, laugh hard, sleep well.

Be satisfied with what today holds for you.

Bikram-a-lam-a-ding-dong!

I tried Bikram yoga for the first time this week! 

It was interesting.....and really really hot. I teach hot yoga, so I expected to do alright with the heat in the studio and wasn't very nervous upon arrival. When we got to the studio, I had to fill out all of the necessary papers and waivers ensuring my family wouldn't sue when I began convulsing on my mat about halfway through the class. Then my "yoga hostess" gave me a run-down of all of the rules: no talking, no leaving the room and no small hand towels for wiping away sweat. I was cool with these rules and understood the reasoning behind them because we employ the same type of environment where I work....very disciplined! 


I did well with the standing asanas, but once we hit the floor I had lots of trouble getting back up off of my back. I quickly found myself searching for all of the standard techniques that I normally use to engage my students when they are struggling. I was breathing in and out through my nose, utilizing my ujjayi breath, but my stomach would not stop lurching around. Spots lingered in front of my eyes as I tried to roll over. I was determined not to leave the room or throw up all over my neighbor either. I stayed on my back (like an over-turned turtle unable to right himself) and soon enough my "yoga hostess" popped by to check on me. She told me to release the constriction on my throat and let my breath come back to normal. The ujjayi breathing was actually building more heat in my body. As I let my breath come back to its natural rhythm my body began to settle down. I was even able to collect myself and peel my body off the mat for the final 3 or 4 poses. 


It was challenging and intense, but I did enjoy the experience. I was surprised by how philosophical the hostess was, delving into the Yoga Sutras during our resting times and relaying a story about how her dog passed away last weekend. This is not what I expected! I had heard that Bikram teachers are robotic and more like bootcamp instructors than spiritual guides. When she started referencing the movie "I Am" I almost raised my hand to ask if I was hallucinating or not? I liked the spiritual lesson (her dog was named "Spirit") and really did sympathize with her, but at the time I would have preferred a drill sergeant--this compassionate character conducting class was not motivating me to move from my mat any faster. I did shed a tear or two at the final savasana, from exhaustion or sympathy for Spirit's passing, I still can't say. One thing I do know for certain, I will be back, Bikram. 


Be ready.